The Art of Speech

     As a practicing Muslim I believe that the Qur'an was sent to guide us through this life. It was not sent merely to be repeated and recited, but as a source of knowledge and enlightenment. One of the most recent lessons I have learned was brought to my attention by a speech given in a small masjed in the USA. Out of everything the speaker could have talked about he chose one verse: "عَلَّمَهُ الْبَيَانَ" - roughly translated this means "The Art of Speech"-. He then gave four simple building blocks to establish good communication: the person is more important than the point, being kind is better than being right, say what you mean and mean what you say, listening is more important than speaking.

      The person is more important than the point. As rudimentary as this seems it is often the first mistake people make (myself included). We get so caught up in trying to prove our point we stop caring about the person and fixate on being "Right" and convincing the other person to abandon their "False" point of  view. First, it is paramount to understand that it is a point of view. Second, evaluate the importance of what is being communicated, is it a deep seated belief or just an afterthought. Third, know who you are talking to, if the person talking to you is not willing to communicate in a respectful way, end the conversation and stop wasting your breath. It will only escalate and could ruin the relationship. The person is more important than the point.

     Being kind is better than being right. Words can cut deeper than any sword, so always remember to be kind. The way you communicate is just as important as what you are communicating. No matter how sound your point of view is ! it is useless of you are shouting. It is equally useless if your face is twisted with rage. Body language is just as important (if not more) than the words you choose. A loving smile can turn the worse of conversations into a happy one. Always remember that conversations happen between two unique people with different backgrounds. Being thoughtful, kind, and warm is better than being right.

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: أنا زعيم ببيت في ربض الجنة لمن ترك المراء وإن كان محقا، وببيت في وسط الجنة لمن ترك الكذب وإن كان مازحاً، وببيت في أعلى الجنة لمن حسن خلقه.

      Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Once you say something, you can never take it back. Think before you permanently effect your relationship with the person you are talking to. This is also true about saying something you don't believe in just to "win" an argument. Meaning what you say includes keeping promises, no matter how small, talking about your emotions, because we aren't mind readers and cant read them for you. Body language helps, but it is still an educated guess and not as good. Say what you mean and mean it!

     Listening is more important than speaking. This last one is the most important by far. We have all done it, the person is talking and all we do is prepare counters to what they are saying. Sometimes we let them continue, sometimes we interrupt them, but everytime we aren't listening. We only pay attention to the points we want to counter, the rest is turned into "bla bla bla". Hearing is NOT listening! I would venture and say that 90% of miscommunication is due to lack of listening. One party talks the other prepares counters and no one is listening. It is said that in the first year of marriage the woman talks and the man listens. The second year the man talks and the woman. The third year the man talks, the woman talks and the neighbors listen.


     Life is meaningless without communication. So please take the time to work on becoming a better communicator. It will enhance your life in every way imaginable.