The Art of Speech

     As a practicing Muslim I believe that the Qur'an was sent to guide us through this life. It was not sent merely to be repeated and recited, but as a source of knowledge and enlightenment. One of the most recent lessons I have learned was brought to my attention by a speech given in a small masjed in the USA. Out of everything the speaker could have talked about he chose one verse: "عَلَّمَهُ الْبَيَانَ" - roughly translated this means "The Art of Speech"-. He then gave four simple building blocks to establish good communication: the person is more important than the point, being kind is better than being right, say what you mean and mean what you say, listening is more important than speaking.

      The person is more important than the point. As rudimentary as this seems it is often the first mistake people make (myself included). We get so caught up in trying to prove our point we stop caring about the person and fixate on being "Right" and convincing the other person to abandon their "False" point of  view. First, it is paramount to understand that it is a point of view. Second, evaluate the importance of what is being communicated, is it a deep seated belief or just an afterthought. Third, know who you are talking to, if the person talking to you is not willing to communicate in a respectful way, end the conversation and stop wasting your breath. It will only escalate and could ruin the relationship. The person is more important than the point.

     Being kind is better than being right. Words can cut deeper than any sword, so always remember to be kind. The way you communicate is just as important as what you are communicating. No matter how sound your point of view is ! it is useless of you are shouting. It is equally useless if your face is twisted with rage. Body language is just as important (if not more) than the words you choose. A loving smile can turn the worse of conversations into a happy one. Always remember that conversations happen between two unique people with different backgrounds. Being thoughtful, kind, and warm is better than being right.

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: أنا زعيم ببيت في ربض الجنة لمن ترك المراء وإن كان محقا، وببيت في وسط الجنة لمن ترك الكذب وإن كان مازحاً، وببيت في أعلى الجنة لمن حسن خلقه.

      Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Once you say something, you can never take it back. Think before you permanently effect your relationship with the person you are talking to. This is also true about saying something you don't believe in just to "win" an argument. Meaning what you say includes keeping promises, no matter how small, talking about your emotions, because we aren't mind readers and cant read them for you. Body language helps, but it is still an educated guess and not as good. Say what you mean and mean it!

     Listening is more important than speaking. This last one is the most important by far. We have all done it, the person is talking and all we do is prepare counters to what they are saying. Sometimes we let them continue, sometimes we interrupt them, but everytime we aren't listening. We only pay attention to the points we want to counter, the rest is turned into "bla bla bla". Hearing is NOT listening! I would venture and say that 90% of miscommunication is due to lack of listening. One party talks the other prepares counters and no one is listening. It is said that in the first year of marriage the woman talks and the man listens. The second year the man talks and the woman. The third year the man talks, the woman talks and the neighbors listen.


     Life is meaningless without communication. So please take the time to work on becoming a better communicator. It will enhance your life in every way imaginable.

Food for Thought

     The longer I live the more enticed I become by the beauty of our minds. Yet, my mind is boggled at how this amazing mind can be used so carelessly. Science in all of its glory still can not fully comprehend our minds. It is still baffled with how we think and in which ways we think. Some believe that language controls thoughts, others say its the other way around. After a lot of reading and some thinking of my own, I have come to like a certain theory.


       The theory in simple terms states that we all think in boxes. These boxes are preset from our childhood. The logic behind this is that the human mind has categories for everything (boxes). Everything must fit into a box first before we can begin to process it. Each box comes with its own set of rules and emotions (also preset) based on personal preference. Now these boxes are not always accompanied by language. Now what do we do when something doesn't fit into a box? For example, a friend who you neither love or hate. Or a person who is not an enemy or an ally, they are in between.


      I believe that this vision of the mind does explain a lot. But I would like to add my own opinion to it. I think that as a theory this is one way the mind works (one of many). I believe that this theory is easiest to convince other of because this is how we are told the world is growing up. Black and White. Then when we become older we are told that that is not the case, and that life is more shades of gray. 


      The thing about this Box view is that we tend to never change or create new boxes as we grow older. We still believe and hold onto our preset boxes. Not because we can't create new ones, but because it requires deep meditation and a considerable amount of thought and self-knowledge. Another major problem we face in the 21st century is that you CAN NOT GOOGLE this. Your personal opinions and boxes can not be googled they are subjective.

      
     The key I believe to understanding the human mind is simple. FIND a COLOR WHEEL! Life, the world, and even our thought process is colored. Its not black and white. Each color is unique, yet similar to others. We all share a hue of black and white (light and darkness), the need for food and water, the need for social interaction (talking to yourself is a social act).


      Once we start to think in color and break away from the rigidness of black a white, we will start to see much more than we could. Perspective, will creep into your mind and give you new insights. You will be more adapt at reading your own emotions and the subtle yet critical emotions that drive you.

Between Here and There

          Life like all things is simple yet complex, Lovely yet ugly, Fun yet dull, worth living yet not. This is the sad reality that escapes us in our dreams. In our dreams everything is clear; no matter how complex the dream you still enjoy it. A hundred million ideas all come together all to insight a simple emotion, Happiness. Yet in reality it’s not so simple. Happiness is relative, but everyone wants to tell you how to be happy.

     In life we live between two opposites; Reality and Dreams. Both are equally as important. life without reality will get you nowhere, on the other hand, Reality without the dare to dream is mute and dull. I believe they are like colors; Black and White can create an amazing image, however, without color it will never be alive. At the same time without Darkness and light (Black and White) we would never be able to see these colors. This is the relationship between dreams and reality. 

     In life we all want simple things. The same things - in essence -.However, our means to achieve these simple things come at a great cost. To think! Thinking is our mortal coil. The more you think the more you see and in return the more "realistic" you become. This is one side of the equation. The flip side is to achieve these simple things with another sort of great cost, To NOT think. Relax! Take it easy! It’s all good! You can’t change it, so don’t bother. Both these theories are utter nonsense.

     Extreme is the enemy of progress. Both examples above are too extreme. Life has taught me this the hard way. Now, before I give my own theory about "How to save a life" I would like to state that this is MY way of seeing things (my perspective). By this I mean that you should never do as I did. Contemplate, get advice, and listen to your heart and the hearts of those you trust, and then and only then make a decision. If it happens to be the same as mine then so be it. But, never allow someone else to think for you. I digress...

     I believe that for each situation in life you must do the math. Every time you buy something you do math; you calculate how much you have, how much the item costs, and if you can afford it. Then you calculate the change due to you if you didn't have the exact amount. All this is done sometimes without you even knowing. The same should be applied in life; however, you must be aware! Because unlike money that comes and goes this is a decision that can never be undone. I’ll explain.

     Dreams are useful to escape reality when faced with adversity. Reality is best used when facing adversity of another sort. In dreams the adversity may be something totally out of your control; that is when you must dream to survive, so that you may strike when it comes into your control. Reality is your first line of defense start off with it. Fight as hard as you can and then some! Push until you almost break then and only then go to dreams. 

     Remember that the world is not 2D it’s not even 3D its actually 4D; The fourth dimension being time and space. So always look at things from all angles, you will be surprised how easily you will find reasons hidden just a side step away. Thinking is a double edged swords use it wisely. Random example incoming be aware. Thinking is like chewing gum! Too little isn’t enough, too much hurts, and just enough is perfect.

If you don’t stand for something then you are falling for everything!